


Afraid of the Dark

by mewbirb



Category: Hollow Knight (Video Games)
Genre: Dream No More Ending, Gen, Heavy Emotions, radiance is bad at grieving, some body horror stuff but this is hollowknight so duh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:07:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23994238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mewbirb/pseuds/mewbirb
Summary: When the moth tribe falls, their old god is left alone and devastated and afraid to let go.
Comments: 11
Kudos: 82





	Afraid of the Dark

It shouldn’t have gone like this. 

She’d provided light and warmth and her people had loved her for it. She’d visit them in dreams and they would praise her. They’d built a statue of her in the village; the Seers would strike this statue with their Dream Nails to visit and pray to her directly and give her offerings limited by nothing but their own imaginations. (This privilege had to be reserved strictly for Seers, who were also under a lifetime chastity vow; turns out grubs can't be trusted around sacred mind-probing tools for reasons such as "Alex NO that thing is NOT FOOD you will die if you eat it!"... Alex survived, for the record)

They were gone now, and she missed them.

She wasn’t even sure exactly what happened to them. There was a mining operation throughout the mountain they lived on, but none of them seemed to know much about that other than apparently it was poisoning their water supply? Ah… that did explain the horrible crystal-like growths and unnatural joint-stiffening with which they’d started slowly becoming afflicted… some of them begged her to heal them, but as a god of light, her powers were not exactly developed for weird rock diseases, and they left brokenhearted… others simply turned away and even cursed her name for allowing such a catastrophe. She never really learned whether they’d been all killed off or just collectively abandoned her. Whatever the case, she hadn’t been good enough, and was now alone.

That wyrm, though, the Pale King… he’d moved in and taken a large territory for himself, including Crystal Peak, sometime before the horrible rock disease showed up. Did that mean he was responsible for the mining? Did he know how it had affected her people? Was he just hiding far underground where he wouldn’t have to know about their suffering?

Shaking at this line of thought, she let out an anguished cry, desperate for the whole world to hear, but there was no one.

Maybe someone would be there for her now if she’d listened to her ethereal moth gut and driven him away in the beginning.

There was one Seer who would still visit her, but that wasn't enough. Too busy despairing for the rest of the tribe, the Radiance turned away from her friend's touch. It didn't matter. The Seer would eventually die anyway. Might as well go ahead and get used to not having her.

There was another complication as well. Moth tribe philosophy taught that being forgotten was the only death that really mattered. While this was often comforting for those who were grieving loved ones… well, if you were a being with no physical life, it meant your entire existence depended on other people remembering you, and you had no way to make sure they did. It meant the Radiance, once a powerful and revered god, was completely helpless while everyone else was killing her.

Unless, of course, she could get the attention of the wyrm’s people. They were too dangerous as they were. They were her last hope. She needed to live. She needed them to help her live. She needed people. She needed to remember the people she’d lost, so they wouldn’t be helpless too.

These new people didn’t make it easy. They were loyal to their king. They didn’t know her and didn’t want to. They were a threat to her entire existence. She had to make herself known.

Some of them accepted her, but they were only interested in what she could give them. It was still bad for her if they took the credit for their new strength. They could still potentially kill her with their selfishness.

The Mosskin were particularly painful to deal with; they were a type of moth but they had a different god and weren't really interested in the Radiance and that just hit too close to home.

The Seer continued to visit, and the Radiance continued ignoring her.

One twitchy silver-armored bug was visibly terrified and grew increasingly more so, hyperventilating, hands shaking violently, clawing at her own eyes. Afraid some real harm might be done, The Radiance held out a wing to gently brush the bug, hoping to calm her down. It didn’t work.

The Soul Sanctum fought fiercely. They did so in ways that caused absolutely deplorable body horror to their own. Their leader was committing mass murder to protect himself. They needed her to stop them before they all killed each other.

The miners were in danger of succumbing to the crystals. Many were already crystallized, but had apparently learned to live like that. If it was possible for the condition to not be fatal, then maybe she could believe the moths did just decide to go their own ways. Maybe she could tell herself they all chose to risk her life for themselves. Maybe that would make her miss them less. It didn’t.

The Seer would still visit, but instead of offering comfort, she would beg her friend to _stop. Please. You're just hurting everyone. You never wanted this for us._

The infected bodies would become useless, but you can do whatever you want in dreams. So they’d be okay, right? They _ see that being with her was the best **thing** for them, and everyone would be loved forever and nothing else would ever matter. 

_I'm sorry, my dearest friend. It's time to let go._

No.

_Nothing is worth all this. There's only pain. You have to let it end. I'm sorry._

NO GIVING UP. IT CAN BE GOOD AGAIN. IT WILL.

The Seer drooped her head and looked away.

_This isn't how the tribe would want to be remembered._

WELL MAYBE THE TRIBE WAS WRONG AND THAT'S WHY THEY'RE ALL DEAD.

She never saw the Seer again.

Going after the king directly was pointless, given that he also had godlike powers. It was an unpleasant surprise to find him in her dream realm, yet at the same time, she should’ve expected that he could show up at any time (he still slept just like everyone else, after all).

An icy-cold chill ran through her body at why he was there. He’d caught on to the true nature of the infection. He didn’t want to lose his people any more than she’d wanted to lose hers. But she was alone and dying because of him. He was the enemy, and nothing else. He couldn't feel love and pain for his people because that would mean she was bad and her pain didn't matter. She had to defend herself at any cost.

No cost too great.

The dumb fork head had the same idea.

The omnipresent light dimmed and the clouds dissipated. Soon she was looking out over the City of Tears… the Forgotten Crossroads… various regions of Hallownest, cutting to different scenes as though this was a recording… which it kind of was, really. All the bugs the Radiance had influenced in some way, her desperate attempts to cling to life manifested as shambling zombies slowly torn apart by sickeningly pulsing bright orange jelly blobs. This was what she did to them. This was what the crystal water did to the moths. It was different, though, right? Sun gods don’t belong underground. She needed there to be light. They needed to know she was there. Their physical bodies didn’t matter as long as they were okay in their dreams. She needed to live. The moths needed to live. She let this happen to the moths. They weren’t okay in their dreams. She couldn’t afford to think too much about it. She needed to live.

The scene shifted to a place she hadn’t seen before. A very dark place. Bad. Nothing but death. Very bad. She couldn’t be here. No one was here. Not even the king anymore. Everyone died here. He put them here and they died and now he’s put here here and she needed _OUT PLEASE SOMEONE GET ME OUT I CAN’T BE HERE PLEASE I NEED HELP PLEASE SOMEONE PLEASE I DON’T WANT TO DIE_

Surrounded by death. Void gradually snuffing out her light, whatever sense of safety she’d previously had. Shades of discarded children moving in closer, threatening to crush her with the weight of their parents’ grief. It was all they knew how to do anymore. She had to get away. She called out for the Seer. That was useless. Flapping blindly, throwing herself into spiked walls, piles of broken masks, drawing more shades’ attention _LEAVE ME ALONE I NEED OUT SOMEONE HELP ME_ until it hurt too much to stay in the air, to keep breathing…

She could see again. Another new place. Also dark. But no shades this time, or other void monstrosities, or any other apparent dangers. Just three glowing white masks, and… a person? It resembled the dead creatures in the Bad Place, but much taller and pointier. This was what they would’ve been if they’d grown up. This one was alive and not just weaponized sadness. That meant her nightmare was over, right? The creature wasn’t fighting, despite possessing shining armor and a very long nail, nor were they running away. Maybe she could really bond with this one, and they would be her comforting companion as she worked on her new tribe.

She couldn't feel it. That was fine; this was a dream anyway, right? That's right; you can do anything in dreams. She could leave this one and go be safe with… no. It wasn't just this one. She couldn't feel anyone. What was wrong? Was she already fading? Had the void creatures done that much damage? Was this what being completely forgotten was like?

She called again for the Seer. No answer, of course. The purple moth probably hated her now anyway. She deserved that; no one else had ever been horrible enough to make the purple moth hate them.

She called out to the void creature. They ignored her. She tried to get close. She couldn’t touch them. Was this thing even sentient? Wait…

That was it, wasn’t it? The reason she was stuck. This wasn’t even a creature. It was a prison with nothing in it. A thing shaped like a person. An endless sea of void. Her eternal punishment for what she did to the kingdom. For throwing away her last and most loyal friend in favor of continuing to do it. Maybe letting go while someone still loved her really would’ve been...

No, she couldn’t start thinking like that. She’d done too much to just make it all pointless. All the hurt she’d suffered and inflicted on all those bugs who never did anything to her, driving away the only one who’d still truly cared for her… she couldn’t fix any of it, so she had to make it worth it. She had to find a way out of here. There had to be a way out.

Ah. The vessel. It was here with her. That didn’t make sense for something without its own mind, as objects couldn’t dream (what an amusing thought, though), but maybe it meant she could break it. Maybe that would set her free. Or maybe it would just be something to do in all this nothing.

It had to work. She didn’t want to think about what would happen if it didn’t.

Now energized with motivation, the Radiance started to light back up. The light spread slowly outward, dispelling the void around her. The vessel shielded its eyes. She charged a blinding, burning beam and fired straight at the vessel. Haha, blasted its arm clean off! That did feel better!

The vessel lay on the ground. The Radiance prepared another attack. The vessel moved slowly, shaking, curling up around its wound.

No.

It really could feel.

It made sense now. It was dreaming because it was sentient. It had ignored her earlier on purpose, as opposed to being oblivious to her presence. She was able to hurt it because it was there.

Could she justify one more death if it meant being free?

Probing the mind she now knew the creature had, she confirmed that it did indeed exist as a trap created and set by the wyrm. It lived in complete service to the wyrm. It was complicit in her entrapment. Yet… it was also just as trapped as herself. An enemy, but also a victim of the real enemy. His own child, too, like all the lost ones in the Bad Place. 

It was afraid and hurt. It just wanted to help everyone and it couldn't but it still wanted to try. It was also ashamed of having angered someone it just met.

She wasn’t quite sure what to make of all this. Was it possible to convince the vessel to help her? Be her friend, even?

___________________________________

The Seer sat in her cave, awaiting the next visit from her strange new friend to whom she’d entrusted her old Dream Nail. Their company was the only highlight of her days anymore… this wasn't right. She knew their purpose. Even now, she still harbored that deep-rooted love for the old sun god. The two of them could've found peace together, spent the rest of their time in each other's warm fluffy embrace, drying each other's tears, neither of them ever having to be alone again. That was how it should've ended. It never should've turned into this.

Even if the new vessel was hollow, even if they could stop the cycle of mass devastation as the so-called Pure Vessel had been intended to, they still wouldn't end _all_ the suffering. The Radiance was never going to be able to rest, not on her own.

All the Seer could do now was prepare the child to put down her oldest and dearest friend.

___________________________________

The vessel was not a friend. Not like the Seer had been. Not that the vessel was bad company, exactly, but as it turns out, assaulting someone and then requesting friendship can give them quite weird ideas of it when they don't already have any frame of reference. For example, they might assume you'll like them more if they randomly shove their nail into your gut, or sneak up and whack you with their own severed arm. So that was a thing she had to deal with.

That wasn't even the incredibly awkward part. She hated causing harm to someone who was already doing nothing but suffering the same torture as herself and never personally had anything against her. Unfortunately, light and void were not elements that played well together; the survival of one depended on suppression of the other. It got quite uncomfortable, then, when they were both so starved for affection that the embodiment of darkness would nuzzle into her soft moth fluff and she would awkwardly wrap a wing around them.

To their credit, the vessel was very apologetic. It was actually kind of worrying. 

The sooner she got out, the sooner she could stop hurting her strange companion.

She was almost out. The more of her prison crumbled, the more of the outside she could see. Bugs were everywhere. New, old, alive, dead but still dreaming. How long had it been since she'd seen another bug? For the first time in so long, she was filled with hope. Elation.

Fear of the small void creature with the Dream Nail.

Pangs of sorrow for her poor broken roommate crying for help that she had to hope would never come.

Anger at herself for being stupid and getting attached to a thing she had to destroy. Anger turned toward it because it wouldn't just… be a thing and let her not feel for it.

Freezing dread when the thing's help actually arrived.

_No no no no no I'm so close to living again I need to live I can't go through this again please KILL IT GET IT OUT OF HERE_

Her vessel drove its nail toward the little one. Its mind and body were too weak to do anything but what she wanted, too battered to trust anyone but her.

The little one was healthy and dangerous and under its own control.

_NO NO NO WE'RE IN TROUBLE YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT_

The vessel's mind scrambled to form a feverish apology and only erupted into blinding pain. It couldn't take this and she couldn't take it either she couldn't tell the difference anymore it was too much _MAKE IT STOP I JUST WANT IT TO STOP_ _IT HURTS IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP_ it's stabbing itself it wants to die it hurts so bad it's sorry I'm sorry just make it STOP

She curled into a ball and cried and waited for the pain to quiet.

It finally did.

Then the little one appeared. Right inside her own home. It drew its nail.

She couldn't die now. There was too much at stake for her to die now. There was always more. All she ever did was do more damage. Maybe she should die. But not now. Not to this thing. This thing was too scary. Kill it first, figure herself out later.

It wouldn't die. It was too small and fast. It dashed _straight through_ attacks that should've obliterated it. Its own attacks were void-based spells much bigger than itself.

She didn't even want to be fighting. She was tired. Couldn't rest. Fly higher, away from the tiny assassin and the creeping, clinging darkness that came with it.

It just kept hounding. It refused to be slowed down.

Its shell split open, releasing a form of pure void, fully intent on finishing its mission. It was going to. No one would let themselves molt in a fight to the death if they had any chance of losing. 

It wasn't even alone. It was joined by her vessel. Or rather their shade, now free of their own ruined shell, along with all their old reservations about, to put it as eloquently as possible, being _absolutely fucking pissed_. They had a real friend now to cheer them on; they didn't need her anymore.

She'd been mistaken to assume the searing agony from earlier had been the full extent of what they'd felt. Shadowy claws dug mercilessly into her face, ripped her core from its fluff-coated shell. This had to be the end. _PLEASE let it be the end PLEASE JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY_

Darkness closed around the bare light, and the pain numbed. There really was nothing more she could do. No more fighting. No more hurting others or herself, no more trying to fix things only to mess everything up worse every single time. No more being afraid.

She was in the… well, it didn't feel like a bad place now. It was still dark, but oddly cozy. A comforting presence was with her… ah yes. She was part of that void creature now. Consumed, but not confined. Sheltered. Safe.

She remembered what it felt like to be safe. She remembered the moth tribe, how they had lived, what they'd believed in.

They were gone. The restless shade children were her new tribe… no. She was done with that word. But they needed someone, and there was one thing she could do for them.

Light and void didn't need to be enemies. Maybe they were meant to protect each other.

Her light signaled to the shades. _It's okay, little ones. You can rest now._

Finally, she was good for something.

She was ready to rest. The darkness curled more tightly around her, and she snuggled into it.


End file.
